June 17, 2003

Just to be Official about

Just to be Official about it, my web-presence has moved to this site: www.fallingbeam.org or if you want a direct link to my new blog, it can be found here: blog.fallingbeam.org. If you're wondering why, or you have any questions, you can direct them to my email link on my main page, or just post in my new forums here: forum.fallingbeam.org.
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Posted by subtitles at 04:44 PM

June 16, 2003

Need to put in pages

Need to put in pages for the parables of Subtitles and the Falling Beam.
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Posted by subtitles at 02:54 AM

I've spent most of the

I've spent most of the day figuring out how to use Movable Type, so that I don't have to rely on blogger anymore for my blogging needs. It'd be nice if I could save the entries here to the new blog, but I don't think I can be bothered. I'll probably just load all the entries into one page and then save that page for archiving. My new blog address should be active soon enough here. It's basically a subdomain of what will now be my permanent site presence, which is www.fallingbeam.org. It looks pretty scruffy, but hopefully by the end of the week I'll know that bit more about CSS.
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Posted by subtitles at 01:31 AM

June 15, 2003

I'm a bit cheesed off

I'm a bit cheesed off at the fact that the "My Pictures" button on my keyboard (which I actually use to open Word) is being a bit flaky. I could return the keyboard and get a new one, but that would mean I would be sans keyboard for god knows how long. Ah well, this keyboard can go back to singapore then :D. I still wish I had managed to get the older kind of Natural keyboard, which I probably will, just out of pique, when I go back to the US. I have to step out and get some food now, since I've been too lazy to order from Tesco, and there is absolutely no food left in the house. Shall be back in time to watch the MTV movie awards on UK TV. Hoorah.
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Posted by subtitles at 12:54 PM

I've moved my site, not

I've moved my site, not that it's particularly finished, to www.breezeland.com who seemed to have the best free hosting I could find. They offer ftp access, which is really what I was looking for, and the responsiveness is pretty nice. The url on the left has changed to reflect this, and so have the redirected urls below. I'm still contemplating what content I could use for my opera-fanboy site, but I'll probably need a nice bunch of pictures of me surrounded by opera things (which I don't have), though I'm pretty sure I'll put up screenshots of my opera setup, and an idiosyncratic guide to the functions that I use the most. Maybe a tip of the day kind of thing. Maybe a little feature as well on Microsoft input hardware, which I keep going on about.

I suppose the reason why peishan would be less than happy with all this stuff that I've been writing about is because it's not the me that used to do English. Now that's it's over, I find myself happier at the fact that my work does not bleed into every single part of my mental existence - I'm not thinking about aesthetics, politics and marxism in everything I see around me, and I'm not trying to make meaning out of whatever I concieve around me. It's nice. I get to think about the world around me as it is, as just things. I quite revel in the fact that all I'm thinking about really is Vantec Heatsinks, whether the new 800MHZ FSB on the new Intel chips means that the Athlon XP is no longer that budget chip of choice, why my wireless mouse seems less than responsive at times. I've not become braindead, I've just not got to expend that kind of energy and be that engaged with thinking about things all the time. It's nice to be able live life in banality, at least for a while. I can concentrate on things that make me happy and things that I can do. It make me feel useful. So there.
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Posted by subtitles at 12:45 PM

June 13, 2003

Hmm... found a link on

Hmm... found a link on how to spam-proof your site, basically how to display an e-mail address on your site without spammers sucessfully scanning for it. I'll try it for a while and see if it works - and use my york address :D. Here it is.
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Posted by subtitles at 04:44 PM

I've actually gotten a number

I've actually gotten a number of redirect URL's now from www.cjb.net. Convenient, and happily, free. The would be www.louiskhor.cjb.net www.fallingbeam.cjb.net and www.operafanboy.cjb.net, all of which work with or without the www in front. Unfortunately, they all seem to cause scrolling problems in IE (not in Opera or Mozilla though) and you end up stuck in that frame...
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Posted by subtitles at 03:19 PM

Rather impressed by a pretty

Rather impressed by a pretty good (not to mention reasonably funny) article in the Inq today, it's about AI (Artificial Intelligence) and an automated vacuum cleaner. You can find it here.
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Posted by subtitles at 01:27 PM

June 12, 2003

So far this place seems

So far this place seems to have the plan that best suits my needs, I need to check a number of things, but they come highly recommended from here. And they have cheap domain registration. It's tempting. I'll sleep on it and see how. Have to wonder about domain name transfer as well in case I ever grow beyond what they offer (highly unlikely of course).
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Posted by subtitles at 10:37 PM

I'm thinking of purchasing a

I'm thinking of purchasing a domain name. the best that I've thought of so far is fallingbeam.org - a reference to something that stuck in my head from Hammett's The Maltese Falcon. Fallingbeam.com obviously seems to already be taken, and to be honest I'm not even really sure how domain names work, and whether it'll be able to link to a non-paid hosting site. I should probably just take the plunge, considering how much cash I haemorrage anyway, but for the moment, while I'm checking things out, I suppose free is a good way to go. I suppose quite a few concerns are addressed here, along with pretty good suggestions, but we'll see. If I went with this, Movable type would become more of a way to go... I could even host a forum with phpbb, but the question would then be: for fuck?
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Posted by subtitles at 10:12 PM

Peishan's been rather naughty in

Peishan's been rather naughty in suggesting that this blog has become rather laden with computer jargon. One word for Peishan. Neh.

But well, just one small mention then of my daily pet peeve: People who use coloured backgrounds and text in IM clients, esp ICQ. You know who you are, god damn would you please come to understand that text is meant to be read, not squinted at?
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Posted by subtitles at 06:15 PM

Just found a fantastic site

Just found a fantastic site for getting music videos online (other than Zone, which is still premier shit). You have to register for the forum (much like MP3WMA before) but they have links in the forum to tonnes of sites. Once you've registered here, you can view this link, with just a *few* sites to start you off. I think my computer's suddenly so non-responsive because of the extreme downloading now going on.... Might actually have to reinstall flashget...
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Posted by subtitles at 03:11 PM

Okay, think I should find

Okay, think I should find out more about styles before cutting an pasting stuff wholesale. Made my site look not too bad, but sort of glaringly badly formatted. Barg.
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Posted by subtitles at 02:41 PM

Hmm. Can't seem to get

Hmm. Can't seem to get my archive working as I want it. Bugger. Small changes to the template, so that the layout will be more similar to my site, which I'll probably go and edit now.
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Posted by subtitles at 02:29 PM

Hoorah, now I have a

Hoorah, now I have a link to my new/inconstruction site to my left, cunningly labelled "My Site". Starting to think more and more that I can't be bothered to move to Movable Type, despite their promise towards standards compliance. I'll probably just edit my template for my blog to match the template of my eventual site.

Oh and yes I went clubbing in Leeds last night. I really shouldn't do this, but what the hell, it's only Dion reading this shit anyway (hi Dion). Andrew's got quite a couple of fetching friends - I wonder who he's trying to hook up with. Both Hannah and Chloe were pretty hot, though I suppose Hannah's the one who really attractive - got the whole eurasian thing going for her - looks good with her hair tied back. Chloe was not surprisingly not as communicative, despite doing english, but then not everyone likes talking shop - she was very much more the brassy loudmouth (in an attractive way obviously) English girl type. How does he do it? :D. Men are so predictable, but then, well, it's fun to ogle pretty women. Like it's a crime.
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Posted by subtitles at 02:17 PM

Huh, trying to edit my

Huh, trying to edit my sidebar.
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Posted by subtitles at 01:56 PM

June 11, 2003

I've actually added a Site

I've actually added a Site Meter, which is rather novel, which you might notice on the left below the blogger button. Now I'll really know how few people give a rat's ass.
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Posted by subtitles at 01:59 AM

June 10, 2003

Hmm... trawling through the Opera

Hmm... trawling through the Opera forums, I've found rather interesting posts about CSS, some with tonnes of info: here, for instance.
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Posted by subtitles at 12:05 PM

Oh my god, this stupid

Oh my god, this stupid HTML course. Designed for mental midgets :D. Other than the fact that they have to hand-hold people through copying folders from one place to another it's not horrible... The good thing is that it makes you sit down and actually do junk, so it's not so pathetic, and apparently they'll get to things like css later. Garg. 4 more hours to go. Neither Clarissa nor Eugene were around so I'm stuck back in the computer room doing fuck-all. Woo followed by Hoo. But yes apparently Diet Vanilla Coke is catching on in this country and is at least more or less widely available. Cari must be told :D.
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Posted by subtitles at 11:51 AM

June 08, 2003

Hmm, maybe I'll have to

Hmm, maybe I'll have to change my mind about how useful mobile phone cameras are. Reminds me of the whole JC girls website thing in S'pore. waiting for this guy to get sued, but otherwise it seems pretty fun :D. Apparently the spirit of the JC girls thing hasn't died out a quick google search yielded this.
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Posted by subtitles at 07:28 PM

Feeling incredibly dissolute for not

Feeling incredibly dissolute for not being more productive. Hopefully Emen's starting to get my subtle hints that asking about what I'm going to do after graduation are not welcome. Have resolved to clear up my room tomorrow, maybe even do my laundry and throw away all the stuff that needs throwing. Shall have to ask around about where's the best place to get free web hosting so I can start putting to use my limited html skill ahead of the comp service course.
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Posted by subtitles at 04:47 AM

June 07, 2003

Oh my god Microsoft makes

Oh my god Microsoft makes fan-fucking-tastic input hardware. They keyboard I got is definitely replacing the one I have in the states - the responsiveness is so wonderful, not as much resistence as the one I have - pity it's in UK format though. The mouse is fantastic, if anything the scrolling looks smoother than the old one, and the handling is sublime - pity it's very much USB only, so my switch is that bit less useful now. Muahaha.
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Posted by subtitles at 06:11 PM

June 03, 2003

Very happy to hear the

Very happy to hear the sound of the windows XP startup music again, after foolishly deleting my SUSE installation in the hope of installing Red Hat, which inexplicably refuses to start anaconda. Bastards. Had to reinstall Suse all over again, 2 hours of ftp install, fun fun fun.
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Posted by subtitles at 05:06 PM

June 02, 2003

Someone's been naughty and bought

Someone's been naughty and bought yet another keyboard and a nice new wireless ergonomic mouse. Oh dear. No prizes. I sooth my conscience by telling myself they'll go towards building the computers back in Singapore.

I must find out how to update Mozilla rather than just doing the install as I've done - makes using Ximian that bit harder. And I can't find the path to the Evolution executable. But the toolbar is pretty cool, and KDE icons are *perty*.
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Posted by subtitles at 11:39 PM

Clever open source people who

Clever open source people who make lovely workarounds for mouse gestures.
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Posted by subtitles at 07:45 PM

Now if only they'd detect

Now if only they'd detect my mouse buttons correctly for mouse gestures, I'd be pretty grateful. Opera does it fine, but then it's Opera.
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Posted by subtitles at 07:25 PM

I'm just now very very

I'm just now very very impressed with what previously was something pretty nonsense: Mozilla. On Linux it's seems to be the best browser of the lot, the smooth scrolling is AMAZING. It might just be me, but at present it's actually the one thing that's better on linux than on windows. And for whatever reason, I'm not so finicky about the size of toolbars in linux as in windows. woo hoo, score 1 for the browser that's gonna die out soon. :P
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Posted by subtitles at 07:22 PM

Installing Linux is one of

Installing Linux is one of those things that people do when they feel very very very free. And yet there's this absolutely strange draw about using it, despite all it's multitude of shortcomings. I've had SUSE 8.2 on my notebook, dual booting with XP for about a day now, and I find I'm using Suse more than XP. Not because it's better by any means, simply because XP has become boring. Linux, however, is not "boring".

I have never had this much headache installing and configuring a system ever. Well unless you count me installing Red Hat on Karen's comp. Kudos to Suse on Yast2, the installation interface that contols the apps that run the system - fantastically easy to use compared to Red Hat, which I could figure heads or tails of, even with the correct RPM's.

That said, running Opera on Linux isn't too bad, but disappointing after using the window's version. Having problems with font size (they're tiny) and scrolling is a bitch, it doesn't use global settings so while Konqueror is fine, Opera scrolls really slowly. And obviousl smooth scrolling sucks ass on Linux. Someone should tell these people what ergonomics is. And my mouse buttons are pretty much useless.

Oh and I have to bitch about Karen's keyboard, which is pissing me off right now. It's okay, but after hearing about Cari's wrists, I doubt I will ever voluntarily use a non-Natural Keyboard again. I'm considering buying one here just to use, and maybe to bring back for HK's father's system. We'll see. I'm also tempted to get the Wireless Intellimouse Explorer from dabs.com but feel myself ripe for being thought of as frivolous.

Didn't do anything useful today, will make a concerted effort to go and buy my ticket back to Chicago, book my room for graduation etc. tomorrow. Find out where that deadbeat Michel is and maybe I can be in Leeds by wednesday.

Oh, and Teo passed me a rather lovely link to a site that anyone trying to figure out html should visit - I'll post the link later when I'm not in Opera. Here.
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Posted by subtitles at 05:13 PM

May 27, 2003

Lovely having a blog to

Lovely having a blog to post links to download.
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Posted by subtitles at 04:06 PM

May 24, 2003

Wish I had some Soundgarden

Wish I had some Soundgarden with me now.

Oh, my switch is turning out rather well, even though my notebook only has one ps/2 port. It's a bit sqeezy using a USB to PS/2 adaptor on the switch itself, but it works, so who's to complain. I wonder if the Belkin will be able to handle the adaptor. Well, I probably won't have to find out till I get *another* computer, or I get a job... :).
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Posted by subtitles at 07:46 AM

It's so nice writing to

It's so nice writing to Cari again.

Going back to York on Tuesday - don't worry, Mahjong will numb the pain. Planning to go for the Computing Service classes when I go back, always wanted to learn how to code by hand - and they seems to be teaching how to do nice standards compliant stuff - things like CSS and impressive things like that. Also really need to get to grips with Excel and Access, so hopefully it's a godsend.

Went to the most fantastic Sushi place for dinner, which I've been to before, but regardless it's absolutely sublime. It's called Kamehachi here in Chicago, and this branch has a special called the North Brook roll which is to die for. The Dragon Roll is also unbelievable.

Oh my Supergrass is lovely, doing a nice job of drowning out the French idiots below who think 2 o'clock is fun party time for everyone. Trust me, I'm not someone who's easily annoyed by these things, I lived under Spong's sub-woofer for 2 years, but this is pissing me off. My lovely logitech speakers are nice and directional, so actually once I step out from my little nook, the noise from them isn't too bad.

Hope I get to see PJ Harvey in London - hope the rest of the people get off their ass as well and get tickets.
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Posted by subtitles at 07:40 AM

May 21, 2003

Poke me with a fork.

Poke me with a fork.

Just when I thought I could shut the fuck up and leave things be, Alvin's got to send me an e-mail saying he's read this stuff. *sigh*.

I'm not even going to try to catch up on what's been going on, can't be bothered.

Tired.
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Posted by subtitles at 07:40 AM

May 02, 2003

I'm done, woo hoo. --------

I'm done, woo hoo.
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Posted by subtitles at 02:17 AM

April 24, 2003

Beginning to realise that the

Beginning to realise that the media have led up to this for a while now. This gives some idea of the timeline that's involved: this, then this .
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Posted by subtitles at 12:36 PM

If anyone knew of or

If anyone knew of or was a part of the site, drop me a line, especially if you know anything about what's happening.
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Posted by subtitles at 11:54 AM

A bunch of articles, probably

A bunch of articles, probably all from the same reuters report, can be found here.
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Posted by subtitles at 11:52 AM

I just posted this on

I just posted this on NTFS.org, on hearing from their article that MP3/WMA Land has been closed down and the webmasters arrested. It seems to have affected me rather profoundly for whatever reason.

I'm sort of shocked, I've been going there for years now, and these guys are just basically nice guys who share mp3s. sure they weren't the most legal of people but they weren't trying to profit from it in any way, they were just a bunch of kids who thought it was cool to share music.

It says something about those that arrested them that they're not going after the hardcore warez sites or the IRC channels/ftp dumps - they're going after people who were just not bothering to hide - who sincerely believed that they weren't really doing that much wrong.

Mp3 Wma always prided themselves on making downloading easy for people, and avoiding annoying, money-centric behavior when every other mp3 site (and there were, and are so many others) was pushing porn pop-ups in your face.

They were just a small time op who just leeched off gullible isp's who hosted them for nothing - you'd think they'd have better targets than kids just out of school.

Whatever you might want to say about them, they were a very community centric group who used their site as a social gathering place as much as a place to get music you could get off Kazaa for much less fuss - or off IRC if you knew how to.

They were optimists, perhaps of a reckless sort in hindsight, and so devoted to somthing that was theirs - they seemed to me for a long time what the promised land of the internet was supposed to be. They seemed to spend more time fighting off leechers than they did trying to conceal their presence from the law - I wonder if they were ever even sent a cease and desist letter for their candour.

I hope they don't get into too much trouble.
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Posted by subtitles at 11:50 AM

April 14, 2003

I got my picture on

I got my picture on the "Fans of Opera" page here. Hoorah :)
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Posted by subtitles at 08:09 AM

April 12, 2003

I'm seriously considering shutting down

I'm seriously considering shutting down my Yahoo account because of the spam, especially since I shifted over the fastmail recently. It's really not Yahoo's fault, I was careless with the address so... But that said, Fastmail, with IMAP, is the best free way to read mail in Outlook (or any mail client probably) - Hotmail is a bit flaky with Outlook, which is a pity since it wan't quite as bad with OE. So people who know me and read this have been warned, switch over to my fastmail accounts, I'll eventually not be reading my Yahoo mail anymore. My "public" account will still be the one one the left, but my private one I'll only give out to people I know. Die spam die. Filters are just not the answer since it's almost as much work to check the bulk mail folder for false positives, and you still get the occasional mail that the filters don't catch - which is all the more annoying.
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Posted by subtitles at 06:31 AM

I look forward to the

I look forward to the time when blogging can be something I can be committed to every day, without feelings of guilt if I do so. That said, I have to tell the world that Opera 7.10 has been released, and my it's a nice browser. Anyone who has a spare half an hour should really give it a spin. Any reservations I had about recommending 7.0x is gone, and if you're doing a fresh install of 7.1, you're in a for a great - and exceptionally stable - browsing experience.

I've been hanging out at the MyOpera forums quite a bit the past week due to the betas, and I must say that the only really addictive portions of the web are those that involve other people. Content providers can try their best, but personal interaction, if only through a message board, is something that can really keep people coming back for more. But if news is still the new porn for you, Klipfolio is a fantastic app that has just released a surprisingly bug free beta that you can get here. It's fantastic for keeping abreast of news all from a central source - it's got weather, and is particularly good with tech news sites like CNET, Slashdot etc.
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Posted by subtitles at 03:59 AM

April 09, 2003

Everyone should marvel at the

Everyone should marvel at the wonder that is Tush. Don't really feel like writing, but feel the need to type. Will simply spew for a minute. Spew.
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Posted by subtitles at 06:44 AM

April 07, 2003

Wondering about the status of

Wondering about the status of my monitor, since there's some flickering when Opera is open but without any pages. Pretty annoying. But then it probably means there's no signal degradation from using the switch. Too dispirited to blog further.
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Posted by subtitles at 05:15 AM

April 04, 2003

Just on a side note,

Just on a side note, the other thing I don't write about here is porn. (What does that MEAN?)
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Posted by subtitles at 09:22 AM

This is taken from a

This is taken from a reply to one of Allison's e-mails:

There's a reason why I don't write about who I'm with - it's one of the Rules. That's not one of the things I want people to have access to simply because as I'm sure you know, what happens between two people is always special, always unique, and always misinterpreted - even if (or especially if) you are the one doing the representing. People judge other people's relationships first with less kindness than they do their own and second with only a fraction of the understanding that's required to actually be in that relationship - I know this because I'm guilty of it. Knowing about these things is an imposition - on both sides, because of unfair judgement, and because it causes unfair judgement. Hence taboo subject - I allude to her, her name is Hiaw Khim, but I don't talk about her and I don't talk about us. The only way people would know about her in relation to me is if they met us, not because I told someone about us. But if it clears things up, she's a big reason why Chicago is a happy place - because she's here. And she is always on my mind, but only implicitly in my writing - I might express her opinions or her observations, but they come out as mine, because those thoughts become mine.

Awwww....
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Posted by subtitles at 09:20 AM

April 01, 2003

CDR's came. Woke up after

CDR's came. Woke up after about 5 hours. Starting to require nicotine. Will start work in a minute.
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Posted by subtitles at 08:39 PM

It's all about drugs. It's

It's all about drugs. It's all about shame.
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Posted by subtitles at 10:14 AM

Oh and I figured out

Oh and I figured out a couple of days ago that I can be the no. 1 hit on Google if you search for subtitles weltenschauung, like so. In fact unless things change, that is a legitimate google-bash, though with more than one word obviously.
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Posted by subtitles at 09:52 AM

I just need to write,

I just need to write, I need to see my thoughts and ideas appear before me in corporeal form, in the fixation of linguistic signs. Does this mean that when they occur in my mind that they are somehow non-corporeal, that fixation is not just about that, the inscription of thought rather than the manifestation of it? If I simply concentrated on a thought or an idea, would it manifest as readily as it does when I write like this?

Happy April Fools.

I'm wondering when my CDR will arrive and whether my essays can survive me going off and writing CD's every 20 minutes. I'm feeling in a better place about my Fiction and Narrative essay now that I've read through some of what I wrote. Now that I've let go of being an academic, why is it still so hard for me to just get this stuff done? I can't stop thinking about how in 3 weeks I'll have absolutely nothing to do except mong and plan my devious schemes on building my computer. Got a spanner in the works today with ATI announcing they'll release the All in Wonder 9000 in the US. I'll probably still go for that over the 8500, just because it's newer and will ship with newer software (hopefully). There shouldn't be too big a price differential, event though OEM prices for the 8500 have bottomed out so much. But anyway at least I've settled on having Ulead as my video editior, thus reducing the need for me to get the retail box of these cards if I don't want to. The Pinnacle software just wasn't as intuitive.

I actually did a whole editing thing with the copy of Vanessa Carlton's Pretty Baby video that I have, and which turned out okay. Because they edited the last shot of the Roswell guy with duct tape over his mouth, I decided to finish the job for them and edit out all the instances of duct tape in the video - to complete the bowlderisation process if you will. Turned out quite well, and realised that music video's really do edit their cuts very closely to the music.
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Posted by subtitles at 09:47 AM

March 31, 2003

Woke up and recieved an

Woke up and recieved an authorise request on ICQ, wondering who was my nice new friend today. Found out it was Elaine with some asinine thing about her website being used to host this thing on boycotting American goods. In the words of a great band: Who Invited You? Moron.
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Posted by subtitles at 07:14 PM

Looking forward to watching Michael

Looking forward to watching Michael Moore on Bill Maher's show later. Always entertaining surely.

If I hear about another journalist "embedded" in an American/British military unit, I'm going to embed something up CNN's ass.

Bought a new mousepad from CompUSA, which otherwise is a poor excuse for a retail store selling overpriced, substandard hardware.

Found Allison on the Opera fans picture gallery here. Aerospace design. Nifty. Yeah, working for Opera? Where do I sign up :)? She also has a number of skins, that are nice and useful, due to their small toolbars - maximising screen space (you're on 800-600 too?). They're not really my style, I prefer more eye-candy-ish stuff if I was still using the XP visual styles, and anyway I've gone back to classic now to save resources and am just using the "windows" skin. Or Nemo.

Just ordered another bunch of CD-R's, TDK as usual - never went back to nasty unbranded stuff after all the trouble it gave me. Got another 150, since the last 150 are gone :). Especially when I started burning series they went pretty fast, what with Firefly, Enterprise, Roswell, Twin Peaks etc. Especially those on VCD.

It's really only here that I feel this mixture of happy and unhappy together, nice to be where I am and happy about the situation but unhappy about all the things I'm normally unhappy about. Thank god I'll never have to deal with academic work ever again after all this is over. Have half a mind to promise myself to build my system after I'm done. But then I'd have to find a job first. Hope the careers advisor got my mail and replies to it soon, or else I'll have to get annoyed. Looking forward to having even better resolutions to utilise with my groovy new monitor, since using my notebook's graphics isn't doing it justice I don't think.
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Posted by subtitles at 06:01 AM

Apparently people are finding my

Apparently people are finding my site at random nowadays, some guy from france (hello Mr.Bryce), a nutty fucker basically, told me he found it searching for subtitles and buffy. I'm no. 6 on Google searching for subtitles and Louis. Woo Hoo. Watching what is really a pretty shit new WB series called Black Sash. I suppose it's interesting since the main star is a the older Chinese guy which is a change, though they managed to get me to watch it by trailing it with young pretty women, with nary a mention of the main storyline.

E-Donkey's annoying me, since it's pretty slow and doesn't seem to understand the idea of queues. I suppose it is pre 1.0, but it's still pretty annoying.

Bored now.

Nothing's on TV except second rate films and half assed series, mostly repeats. Enjoying ads the most at the moment, just saw the Sprint PCS one with the teenage girls having a drop down all out bitch fight over their shared mobile. Very Fight Club, very funny. The lack of heating isn't so bad at the minute, but has the great potential of pissing me off. Been craving large hunks of meat recently, might succumb to a steak-burger soon, just because I can. Suppose fish-cakes isn't too bad. Wish I could start building my new system now.
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Posted by subtitles at 03:12 AM

March 30, 2003

Just feel like typing. Lowered

Just feel like typing. Lowered my table so as to be more ergonomic, and it is. Mouse still seems a bit annoying but I'm sure I'm just obsessing. I'm just wondering whether after all it wouldn't be better to have a normal rather than split keyboard. Perfect Strangers is on BBC America, which is nice. Wouldn't it be nice to live life to Poliakoff music. Been discovering the wonder of E-Donkey, though I must say, all the more popular files can already be found on Kazaa, and Kazaa's just more efficient as far as I know. Might be having some issues because I'm behind a router but can't be bothered to fix it, even if I could figure out how.

Helped Peishan out installing her USB 2.0 drivers over the phone a couple of days back. Wonder how her burning is going. At least she finally bit the bullet and bought the stuff. Just imagine her going for the nicer looking Iomega over the rather blocky ones that are de-rigeur nowadays.
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Posted by subtitles at 05:48 AM

March 27, 2003

Have just spent the entire

Have just spent the entire day, instead of working, installing and uninstalling antivirus products. Had decided that PC-Cillin was acting up a bit in not updating automatically all the time due to proxy problems left over from York. I now realise a simple uninstall reinstall would have worked. Well at least I know now that Mcafee stuff is pretty much air-tight in terms of it's product activation, and hasn't had a proper widespread crack that works to get auto updates. But like Norton, PC-Cillin is pretty easy going, though you still have to manually crack the exe file for the latter. Norton has the penchant of coming pre-cracked and ready to go. Am also going to give the Trend Micro firewall a whirl, though I've been trained to concieve of firewalls as requiring a bunch of alerts etc. Not having to use Zonealarm is nice though. Blah blah blah.
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Posted by subtitles at 05:49 AM

March 26, 2003

Found a lovely new mail

Found a lovely new mail service that offers IMAP for free, comes with really good reviews and probably worth checking out: Fastmail.
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Posted by subtitles at 05:23 AM

Really must start writing again,

Really must start writing again, if only to give me some momentum. And I do have a lovely new keyboard which is working out rather well. Natural keyboards are so the way to go for people who can touch-type. The monitor is turning out quite well, it's a Viewsonic P-95f+, which I got for a rather handsome price on Pricegrabber. None of that faux flat-screen stuff from Samsung, which I was considering, but which cost more anyway. The only thing is these lines across the screen that comes with trinitron based monitors, which are faint but noticeable, expecially if you have a white background. It's really not a problem, and I'm more or less okay with it. To be honest, I just don't feel I'm missing out too much not having an LCD, since the screen size is just fantastic for the price. Text really turns out well on the display which is super. Only thing is with the KVM, there seems to be some flicker, which is sort of annoying, but we'll see how that pans out, I'm sticking to having the monitor plugged straight into the notebook, since I don't really need the switch at the moment. Am really tempted to just buy my desktop after I hand in my essays. Wonder if they'll keep letting me into the country if I keep popping in and out. Waiting longer might convince me to go for Serial ATA drives, since the Asus motherboard supports RAID on them. But the price difference at the moment is just too high, especially with the Western Digital drives going for cheap as OEM. Might consider just getting a single 120 IDE and moving to SATA when the price drops, and if that doesn't happen, just get the other 120 drive later. We'll see.

Haven't been talking to people, and people should be able to guess why. Feeling guilty about not fulfilling Allison's request, but I'll get around to it someday - maybe I'm not someone who can just write on demand after all. Got listed on a blog directory, which hopefully will get more traffic to this, it's nice to have strangers read this stuff.
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Posted by subtitles at 05:19 AM

March 24, 2003

Of all the things people

Of all the things people want to cover and export to the US; Whole Again? I have to admit I actually quite like Atomic Kitten, and have done since their inception, but this blatant attempt at repackaging something for the US? And the one lyric change that sounds so awkward - "you still turn me on" to "you can do no wrong" - just smacks of them marketing youth. That said I'm finding Lillix rather fetching in their nicely contrived way.
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Posted by subtitles at 08:09 PM

Oscar night, nice to have

Oscar night, nice to have some festivitiy, even though I couldn't care less who's winning. Rather appreciated WGN airing their attempt at a proper awards pre-show - nice, catty, and all about frocks. Feeling in two minds about the whole managedness and appropriateness of the ceremony - makes me root for Michael Moore as documentary filmaker, just so he can go off on one and provide some entertainment. And he did :). Nice speech on fictiousness - probably the best, most sensible, thing I've heard against the war and the American administration.

My monitor is still not here, hope it'll come tomorrow. My KVM switch is turning out pretty well, but because it's purely a keyboard controlled switch, I can't just have the mouse attached. Really considering buying the Belkin switch instead of the stop-gapness of getting a PS/2 to USB converter - which would only work for one notebook anyway. Suppose the 4 port one might be a good investment, since I have more than one notebook. The audio would really not be a problem, since I'd probably be wanting to play music on a different box, but with the potential for a second desktop, it'd be nice to have 5.1. But then again I'm not going to be getting another box for awhile so that should be able to wait.
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Posted by subtitles at 03:31 AM

March 14, 2003

Hello. Now I'm not sure

Hello. Now I'm not sure who I'm saying hello to, whether it's my neglected blog or simply my adoring public, but yes, hello. Anyone who's read my blog at length, or actually knows me, knows that when I'm in Chicago, I'm quite a bit happier. That's the reason why I don't blog so much when I'm here. No need for it to make me feel better, and I'm not stuck in front of my computer quite as much.

But I figured that since the reply to my application STILL hasn't arrived, I should at least write somewhere, since I'm so not going to be writing much of my essay until I get a reply.

I'd like to draw attention to my recently acquired and quite wonderful purchases. I just bought a Microsoft Natural Multimedia Keyboard and an Intellimouse Explorer, and my are they rather fantastic. Nice and ergonomic, and just a wonder to use. Even got them really cheap through PriceGrabber, since there you can get stuff from retailers who sell things as OEM/brown box, so all you have to do is download the drivers and you're ready to go. Just be aware of the retailer scores and reviews, so you don't pick an annoying retailer. One plus was that I actually got the black/two tone keyboard which I assume is explicitly for the OEM market, and not the blue one, and it goes better with my decor. My old Intellimouse Explorer Optical as just giving me ergonomic problems from not being a moulded right handed mouse, so I'm quite thankful I switched.

My biggest indulgence since I'm been here has been to watch almost continual episodes of Once and Again, from the Season One boxed set. Fantastic stuff. Whatever it is the writer's are smoking, they are really able to make having kids basically look cool. I'll write more about Once and Again soon.
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Posted by subtitles at 10:43 PM

March 09, 2003

Been watching Bangles videos again.

Been watching Bangles videos again. Oh my Susanna Hoffs is hot. Girls, there was a reason why she was the front-woman - so there. And judging from what Diamond (or Pearl?) aka Ms. Carpenter said about Prince and his penchant for girls who look a particular way, Suzy would have been an ideal candidate. Very come hither, very distinct sounding voice, very active. Always want to tease the connection between the Bangles and Suzanne Vega - Hero takes a fall/When Heroes go down, In Liverpool/Going down to Liverpool, and probably more that doesn't spring to mind.
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Posted by subtitles at 05:00 PM

This is an e-mail that

This is an e-mail that is in reply to Leigh, which I'll send out in a minute, that's a reply to her mail to me.

Hi Leigh,

First things first, my name is Louis ;). Thank you. In a way I really do apologise for the fact that I write about so much nonsense that I know no one is going to give a toss about. You're actually the first person I don't know to comment on my blog, and I'm quite happy about that. I'm sure you know, having written, that especially hearing someone talk about what they like about your writing makes you want to just tell them exactly what is wrong with your writing and why you find it so cringeworthy. But anyway, I'm coming to feel more an more that it's quite constructive (if not really useful) to just write regularly, and it's really rather empowering having a blog (especially in the beginning when no one knows about it) so you should try it. I promise I'll have at least one look ;). Well, to be honest I'd be fine if people actually read what I wrote about them, as long as they didn't go apeshit and never talked to me ever again... if I can say it, they should be able to hear it - if just for a lack of looking on their part. I'll just indulge myself a bit now and say that really - swearing and being angry is not startling or "new" in any way, and I'm getting more and more self conscious about it (thanks a bunch). Not that I'm not angry when I'm writing it, rather when you are you tend to fall back on rather unflattering stereotypes and verbal cliches which are very simply not great writing by any standard.

I've already decided that this is going to be an entry in by blog, so that's why it's going on as it is, I'll mail it to you as well. You'll find the entry here. (such meta-ness) Just thinking that your mail turns out rather well from Operamail, but more so that I think Outlook handles it with quite a bit of pinache - but then that's what you get with a pirated-worth-several-hundred-dollar-Office-Suite. Is it also from the Opera mail client? Honestly cannot stand the Opera client, for a number of reason's I've set out in the forum, it's not my favorite. Scrolling in Outlook is smooth, but sort of jerky really, which is soft and nice, and hence ergonomic, but a bit annoying.

Leigh, if you don't mind, I was wondering if you'd be so nice as to suggest me a topic - anything that I suppose would interest you in some way and you think I have some vague idea about - so I can write about it. Yes, I'm taking requests. I can't promise you when it'll be up, but I just want to see how it goes, and if people want to send in requests, I'll certainly consider them. Makes me feel like some kind of columnist.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Louis

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Posted by subtitles at 12:30 PM

March 08, 2003

I figure I should do

I figure I should do some sort of writing, since the other kind is so obviously not happening.

(It is heppening... again... It is heppening... again...)

Just a recommendation to those clever people now using Opera, I'm currently a big big fan of this guy's skins. His name is Christian Krebs, and his skins are breathtaking, especially Strange Truth 2 (if you like things clean), and Oxid (if you like things striking, with a very graphic designer kind of feel). Oxid is now my default skin. The red of the Hotlist button is just breathtaking on the main bar - I'm actually displaying the main bar just for that, since I don't actually use the buttons. He's also quite receptive to "bug" reports about his skin, and quite nicely acceded to a couple of requests I had about Oxid.

I've been binging on TV again, which sort of makes me happier.

Just saw the paedophile episode of CSI Miami. Don't quite know what to think. I'd like to point out the almost surreal alarmism and media frenzy surrounding paedophilia, much like the serial killer theme that was so popular in the late 90's, but cannot fully divest myself from the almost irrational manipulation that occurs with the presentation of childhood. Childhood innocence is a cult - perpetrated by adults no less - which the Hansel and Gretel episode of Buffy addressed quite well. And yet, like so many other things - war, train crashes, atomic bombs - it is not the rational, proportional loss of life that occurs to us but rather the impact on our psyche of something that is just wrong - somehow abhorrent as if it were naturally so. It is the affective nature of this that worries me about this, that in acceding to these impulses, we lose the ability to concieve of a conscientious rationalism/pragmatism. I'm not saying that rationality is utmost and inviolate - that would too simply be exclusive of man's limitation of perception and ability of imagination - but at the point of action do we dare to act on anything other than what we can concieve of as making sense, and pursuing that with eyes half closed in fear and determination, half open with conscience and unbelief?
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Posted by subtitles at 11:10 PM

I feel really paralysed by

I feel really paralysed by the fact that I'm still waiting for the response to my application.

I'm currently waiting for Ben to finish showering so I can go. Woo Hoo.
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Posted by subtitles at 07:17 PM

Ah, the Economist. You need

Ah, the Economist. You need a subscription to read this unfortunately, but the gist of it is summed up in the title and subsequent subtitles:

"Anti-war students

Dream on

Students think their protests will stop the war. Tremble, Tony"

Lest you think this is all I read, here's something from the Register. The last line is just classic.
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Posted by subtitles at 05:50 PM

This is what I love

This is what I love about the Economist. There are surely a great number of things wrong with being eminently sensible, but many a time it's nice to have the Economist fight your battles for you. Look at this and this. Since when did we start legislating language again? You'd think it was the French for fuck's sake. The sky is falling. Dude, your dick's on fire.

Speaking of shithead loser morons, look at this. The comments by Seeker just remind what an idiot this guy is. He was a fuck-head when he was riding me about the SDI thing, and he's still a fuck-head now. I could go off on one about him and his small mindedness regarding culture but I haven't the strength. Let's just say his sig says it all, the pseudo-liberal, bible-thumping, platitude-spouting idiot who thinks the world revolves around him. Four words my friend, SMACK MY BITCH UP.

Can't believe he's on the My Opera homepage. Bastard.
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Posted by subtitles at 04:34 PM

Hmm... Seems as if my

Hmm... Seems as if my ploy of putting my blog url in my Opera forum's sig is getting people to actually come here. How scary :D. Hi, fjames, nice to know you don't think I'm a complete nutter.

I suppose I always wanted more or less complete strangers to read my blog more than the people that I knew around me, since I'll probably be writing about those around me and I don't want to feel as if I can't talk/bitch/handbag whoever the hell I want to. Case in point would be me talking about people I'm attracted to like here. People already think I'm some creepy leery bastard enough anyway without stuff like this getting to the people involved. But yes, I do feel as if this is somehow a kind of record of myself, and that I want to write what I want to write about, though obviously some things (which remain known to me alone) which are off limits.

fjames seems to like MyWay, and really the main thing I like about it is that it's the first properly customisable (usefully so) TV listing guide I've used online. You can sort by just the channels you like and cut out all the crap that you don't understand/want to watch. And it works great in Opera, which is more than I can say for TV Guide online. I think I could do something like it with the SBC Yahoo service, but that's just cuz I subscribe to the ISP, MyWay is open to all, as it should be. Proprietary content that has that much of a barrier to entry - ie having to switch ISP's, just doesn't make sense. Who's going to move to AOL just to watch a couple of videos or whatever? ISP's should be access providers - and compete on price - content providers like Real etc. can move on top of that with value added services. Really, the association of yahoo with SBC sort of cheapens Yahoo's potential as a portal, if only because you can get stuff with SBC that you can't get from Yahoo ala carte, which is rather an alienating idea. The idea of an ISP locking me in to useing their service with features other than how good the access is will only succeed in me not using those services - which is why I have autonomous e-mail addresses, so that I can move ISP's at will (ironically with Yahoo...).

Need to get breakfast now, and promise to be more diligent in updating this. It's more worth it when you have an audience. And now at least one that isn't as technologically illiterate as the rest of my friends... :D
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Posted by subtitles at 03:11 PM

March 07, 2003

Now that I'm sure people

Now that I'm sure people have given up looking at this due to lack of updates (or let's face it - interest) I can get back to writing whatever the fuck I want. Well the real reason would obviously be that I'm just unhappy and can't be bothered to write.

That pretty much stopped me in my tracks for a couple of minutes at least. I capitulated about the whole Opera SDI thing in the forums today, you can find the post here, go to page 7.

Went for the screening of The Trial today (of my own tape no less), and really wasn't terribly impressed on the second watch. Not touching the Trial with a ten foot pole in my essay. Have to say there is a kind of effectiveness about it though, I was feeling a bit pursued when I went out to smoke, brought back memories of Ulrika and my first term. Getting really pissed off with being in York. Looking around at the Uni makes me really not want to be here any more. Been trying to get worked up with Richard about not seeing me or replying about my essay, but the more I think about it, the more I think that it's more to do with me, and there's not that much he could/would do anyway. Starting to think the premise of my work is decidedly unworkable, but who gives a flying fuck by now.

Watching Christina lipsyncing (badly) on TOTP. She's pretty pathetic doing that, but I suppose you can't blame people for not wanting to perform continuously.
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Posted by subtitles at 08:02 PM

March 03, 2003

Just found the quote I

Just found the quote I was (not too actively till now) looking for from the Third Man,

"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love; they had five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cukoo clock."

- Orson Welles as Harry Lime in "The Third Man"

Quite wonderful I think, and I'm not surprised Dollimore was so emphatic in bringing it out. The idea that conflict and flux seem to be the catalyst of creative vigour seems to hold a kind of ironic and ambivalent fascination for those of us who study this. I don't even know what more to say about it, except to acknowledge the amibvalence again of this observation, which Welles rightly makes so wry and pointedly funny.

I was just struck by this educational program on the BBC, probably tied to the Open University, that dealt with reading - something like how to read through editorial bias. They say things that basically the narrative theorist might say, that in reading a text - a news story in this case, that despite pretences towards objectivity, that the editorial presence is always there, that newspapers are not "the thing itself" - the immediate experience of the act. Talking about strategies of reading, they stress the need to think about intention, of why and for what these things are being written. We're looking for the author, I would say the implied author, since the author would too easily be thought of as the scriptor himself, whereas with newspapers, the more accurate description would be to think of the institutional intention.

Probably the news item that struck me the most from the morning news was the item about this school girl who had run off with this older policeman, known to be her boyfriend of sorts. Articles can be found here. The way they reported it seemed to stress the emergency of it, that they needed to be contacted. That seems a strange way of thinking about it, even though certainly their safety is probably a concern. My imagination posits them as simply a couple run off for the simple "romantic' reason that they wanted to, and all the constitutive reasons that precipitate that. The fact that their car was found at the tip of the island, at the northernmost point when they were nowhere near it, seems to point to a kind of desire for escape, if not simply escapism - a kind of nurturing in the indulgence of romance. All of which makes the rather rational furore around their "almost inexplicable" disappearance seem a kind of repudiation of the legitimacy of that drive, to the extent that they are simply unwilling to be cognisant of that possibility. They wished to visit The Ends of The Earth, is that so strange? En route, and under disguise of attending to the normality of their daily lives, they had made an arrangement, a cunning plan, whose intentions (perhaps they knew?) would be incomprehensible/unacceptable to those immediately around them. I want to condition all of this in case it all turns out badly but can't bring myself to dispel the wondrousness of the gesture that they are engaged in - which hollywood's earnest sentimentality renders so often as a deadened obeisance to idols of spontaneity and the gut wrenching clash with duty and responsibility - trawthe.

Reminds me of "A Chalked Heart" lying on the floor of my room, and of the youngness of the protaganist and the wonder whether I will ever bring myself to speak to her author.
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Posted by subtitles at 08:02 AM

February 26, 2003

Can't remember what I was

Can't remember what I was so eager to blog about just now, since the page had trouble loading. Yeah, I was going to e-mail Richard again, just to prove how "indulgent" he can be :). I suppose the core of my essay will still be the same, using Larsen to make the case for a demarcation of focalisation, narration and an implied author (or textual intention/meaning). What's changed though, is I'm convinced that in doing so I must not fall into the essentialist trap of arguing for a unitary notion of a text. Hence all the bringing in of Hernstein Smith talking about social interaction and just generally things about how the text is constituted as cultural artifact. The act of interpretation within this schema is dependant on recognising the conventions of the social communication - specifically that the text addresses itself as text rather than as voices within the story world.
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Posted by subtitles at 04:05 PM

Just uninstalled Norton Antivirus and

Just uninstalled Norton Antivirus and installed Pc-cillin 2003. Surprised by the gain in responsiveness, rather impressed. Worried about the efficacy of the firewall though since it doesn't work by asking for permission by each program, rather is simply screens out known trojans etc. Suppose it's fine, I've never been particularly picky about what's running, even the Real stuff - if I install it, I don't mind giving it access.

Essay is shaping up, but feel the need for small respite, and I'm still waiting for Richard to reply. I suppose my ideas have moved on a bit to include broader ideas about reading - suppose I should read Hernstein Smith again. Might be going out again later to pick up reading for next week. Feel like using the quote from Third Man as the epigraph for my Norse essay. Wonder if Richard remembers me from previous lectures.

Norah Jones isn't quite that evil, it's just the fact that she's so hyped that makes her seem a bit annoying.
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Posted by subtitles at 09:41 AM

February 24, 2003

Someone or somehow, my stuff

Someone or somehow, my stuff has been clear out of the kitchen spaces and the place actually looks tidy. Iím sure I have Emen to thank, if not the whole bunch of them. I should feel angry like I did last night, because it really isnít anybodyís buisness and I would have confronted rather than given in. The fact that they didnít let me has me a bit ashamed and a bit grateful, though in a way that doesnít want me to show my face.

Iím writing this on Word because bloggerís down for maintenance.

Started smoking again and it really was the boost I needed to send of Richardís e-mail. Throat is sore and I havenít had a proper meal in days. Canít even bring myself to go into the kitchen to experience my shame.

Itís nice having non-Lit friends. Though we might have been stretching for conversation at points it was nice being with Clarissa. Missed talking about the film, but then I could do that with anyone I suppose.

Turned out it was Terry who did the moving. Wonder what to think about that.

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Posted by subtitles at 09:02 AM

February 23, 2003

I've got to return alot

I've got to return alot of shit tomorrow. Both sets of Angel and Buffy boxed sets and the 2 CD's I've bought. My god those CD's are some of the most anodine half assed elevator music I've heard in a while.
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Posted by subtitles at 04:07 AM

February 20, 2003

Nothing like a good awards

Nothing like a good awards show to perk you up. The Brits just came on, and watching Kylie perform with Timberlake was pretty fun. Must say I like the sound of Ms. Dynamite. Oh yeah and I heard the Sugababes sort of mangle "Shape of My Heart" by Sting yesterday, someone's fishing for cred... Oh yes and Mahjong is fun fun fun.

Just to mention, I've been to a number of customisable web portals and I think I've found one that puts Yahoo to shame, even the repackaged SBC one. MyWay was concieved largely as a Yahoo killer, and if only for their customised homepage and their (unfortunately US only) TV guide they win hands down in terms of usability and usefulness. They haven't introduced a fantastic e-mail system like Yahoo has and Google and Yahoo still have a better news page, but as a portal, MyWay has alot going for it. In particular if you're on dial-up, they are very bandwidth friendly in not having banner/pop-up ads and images in general unless you request for them. Conveniently situated Google search bar is apparently part of their buisness model - clever. But Opera users like me have a google box in the personal bar already so revenue's going to Opera... (hopefully)

Hate to admit it, but I'm finding MDI probably the best option for supercharged browsing, especially with the keyboard shortcuts for navigation. If I've learnt anything from the whole SDI campaign thing, it's that momentum can be an irresponsible thing. The peace campaigners might want to take notice and have a gander and the rampant fascism here. I'm really not willing write more about that unless someone's really that interested.

Must watch double bill of French Films on Sunday: Ma Femme Est Une Actrice + Read My Lips, City Screen Listings to be found here.

Must buy a mahjong set when I go back to Singapore.
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Posted by subtitles at 08:56 PM

When you fuck it up

When you fuck it up later do I get my money back?
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Posted by subtitles at 05:24 PM

February 19, 2003

A bit annoyed that I'm

A bit annoyed that I'm playing shuttlecocks with browsers but I'm back with Opera for a while. Anyway I've just been watching Roswell for the past couple of hours and inevitably after watching a series and having convulsions of the soul for the entirety of the night, I'm in that sentimental place again. Watched the 2nd season Christmas Nazi episode which was particularly moving I thought, the second and third seasons really look substantially better than the first, at least from the episodes I've got. I'm also quite enamoured by the new Kid Rock/Sheryl Crow song, Picture, which can be found on Rollingstone.com - use the Quicktime broadband stream if you can the quality is so much better than WMP for this file for whatever reason.

Bumped into Judith today while walking with Johnny, will try to post the e-mail I send her which will inevitably be one of those :P.

Becoming quite interested in Jonathan Frakes now because he executive produced Roswell. He must have a particular vision to back something like that. Can't say I think too much the Star Trek movies, maybe he should leave the directing to someone else... But he did great cameo's though, in Roswell. I got my episodes of Kazaa - there's a new version of Kazaalite K++ edition - if you don't know what that means it's just the best client for Kazaa around and can be found here. I've been using as my episode reference this page.

Must explain about "marks consciousness".
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Posted by subtitles at 08:33 AM

February 17, 2003

This is pretty much a

This is pretty much a reaction to Cari having gotten my much delayed mail and threatening to read this.

So yes, for whatever reason, I've not been writing the whole time I was in Chicago, which is probably a function of how happy I am there. What annoys me is the fact that I can't seem to equate work with anything other than making myself not so happy. It seems as if the only thing to be said for work is momentum, at least the work I'm currently doing. The fact that the alternative to school work that I envisage as some other form of writing (such as this blog) is not much different isn't encouraging. Of course management could always beckon...

So yes, would much rather talk about watching Roswell, which is really rather pleasant. It's a pity that there's not more Firefly or Enterprise to be had for the moment. Even though I've watched quite a bit of the first season of Roswell, it's still rather comforting watching the series again, sort of like watching Cold Feet again, though Roswell is probably more pleasant for being less pretensious.

Feel good about having bought the Once and Again boxed set, pity that only season one is out, probably look forward most to watching season 3 again. Especially the whole thing with Grace, as well as the whole thing with Eli's sister. The adults are the angsty boring bits in that season. Which reminds me of what is probably my favorite episode of Buffy, "The Yoko Factor". As anyone reading this for a while would have guessed (Hi, Cari) I don't often go into great detail about my rather random comments unless I really feel the need to, which is really dependant on mood and oppurtunity. And the random skipping of my thoughts. More coherent strings of thoughts etc can probably be found much earlier in the "archived" bits near the beginning before I became that bit more boring.

Shall console myself further by watching more Roswell or taking a nap. Just feel the need to put into context the fact that I watch Roswell. I really like teen drama. Hence the obsession with 80's teen movies. Even like a bunch of the more recent stuff, and to be honest, most Sci-Fi is really so targeted with people of teen maturity/intelligence... Except perhaps Firefly, but firstly that's probably not totally true and secondly we'll never really know since Fox cancelled it. I suppose I should recommend Whedonesque which is a website dedicated to Joss Whedon and his writing, even though the site is pretty hardcore, and Joss-boy himself is really a rather limited writer in many ways and really not much of a director.

Looking forward to Buffy radio coming up on Wednesday. Hope the new CNET Radio Direct isn't as crap as it has been the past couple of days. Brian Cooley really isn't as fun as David Coursey, and the talk is far too news-like and paced.

Gradually realising how much nonsense I was talking in my Larsen essay about focalisation. Looks like it's back to the drawing board on that one. Not that the textual analysis was horrible, but the understanding of narrative is just so lacking. Thank god that's not the one I submitted to Chicago. Really must distract self and eventually reply to Cari. Tinkering with her comp sounds like *fun* but Edinburgh is probably that bit too far for random fun acts of kindness. Could consider sending care packages of lovely pirated (and hence free) software... muahaha... ha.

Oh, by the way, I've just moved back to using Zoom Player for video media playback, which is pretty swanky. It's pretty much just a front-end for stuff you could play in WMP, but with lots more customisation available. Haven't tried it with DVD's but it should work like a charm.
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Posted by subtitles at 02:34 PM

February 12, 2003

I've moved back to Internet

I've moved back to Internet Explorer. Thanks to Meaya's Popup Ad Filter the experience had been quite good. It's trialware but if you visit this lovely site you'll find a way to get around that. I've only really bought software online once, and that was audiocatalyst back when I was ripping my entire CD collection. Regreted it then and still think it was a waste of cash. Despite the return of some old annoyances with IE the transition has actually been a rather pleasant one, so I'll be sticking with this for awhile. I even got google working through the address bar (instructions can be found in the midst of this page), which is so much better than the clutter of the google toolbar. Am quite annoyed with all the localisation crap that's foisted on you when you set your country/region in Windows. Pretty annoying that you can't change it without changing language and location settings.

Don't feel like writing. Hope I manage to download Bang and Blame from Kazaa.
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Posted by subtitles at 07:27 PM

February 08, 2003

I've just finished watching 7

I've just finished watching 7 straight episodes of Enterprise. Let's just say it's going well... :P. I don't know, the problem is I don't feel particularly unhappy, on the contrary I'm actually quite contented, and can't really bring myself to face the aggravation of work. Plus it's bloody cold. Washing machines are still spoilt, will have to get Hiaw Khim to call.
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Posted by subtitles at 12:49 AM

February 07, 2003

What is my fixation with

What is my fixation with women? I've just been watching what might be called a "Hoshi" episode of Enterprise, basically focusing on Hoshi. I was fixated and squealing all the way through it. *sigh*. Hoshi had her inaugural shower scene... got to wear revealing gym gear for alot of it, and managed to let her hair fall for most of it. I suppose what was also so interesting about it was the fact that the episode was also a Pincher Maritn rip, where Hoshi experienced a couple of days in the 8 seconds she was caught in the pattern buffer of the transporter. Curious all these coincidences creating a web of signs around us.

Still not working, just feel so relaxed and away from it all, I just want to mong my life away. But yes, Hoshi. Mmmmmm...
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Posted by subtitles at 09:48 PM

How fantastic to type this

How fantastic to type this in a space that's not 800x600. Listening to Michelle Branch now. Fantastic stuff, bought her unreleased first album, called Broken Bracelet and it's amazing. If anything it's more moving than Spirit Room. Got it from her personal website here. Got to e-mail her dad at the same time which is pretty cool.

Torn now about whether I'll eventually get an LCD or a CRT. The static image quality on Hiaw Khim's screen is fantastic depite it being a pretty cheap screen. Luckily no dead pixels that are glaringly noticable as well. And no adjusting for the image to fill up the screen. And I really don't use up that much screen real-estate. 1024x768 should be enough for me. But then if I want room to grow the 19 inch CRT's still a pretty good idea.

Shall succumb to watching Enterprise in a minute, but was really struck by what I suppose I'd call the parable of "Broken Bracelet" in Michelle Branch's album. She has a little story explaining the origin of the album name. Just the presentation of it, as a kind of parable, like the one in the Trial and the one in Hammett, was just so striking, like one of Wesley's "eureka" moments. ("He actually goes "Eureka"?"). Basically these inside stories which are meant to be some tantalising glimpse into meaning. Again I keep coming back to the Derrida thing about communication and the deferment of meaning. Guess I'm destined to be a bit more of a failed academic then.
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Posted by subtitles at 06:59 PM

Fuck me it can get

Fuck me it can get cold here. It's better today, but yesterday was pretty miserable. Thing is the washing machines downstairs are broken as well, so I haven't been able to do my promised laundry. Downloading Firefly and Enterprise has been going well, most of it is on disc already. Made a copy of Valmont for Sulin, shall have to find a way to get it to her. Must remember to send off transcript for U Chicago. Migration to Outlook is going well, and it's making using Yahoo bearable despite the spam. And when I stop using the York imap account I should have less pop up warnings. Seem to feel less like writing here. Not been doing work, just been fiddling with the comp. Might try using the http tunneling thing when I get back to york. Hope it doesn't get me banned. Pleasantly surprised that my old Iomega CD-writer is doing so much better than my brother would like to think. It's even overburning properly which is pretty cool. Might actually end up using the 150 stack of CD-R's.
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Posted by subtitles at 01:41 AM

February 05, 2003

Kazaa is a miraculous thing.

Kazaa is a miraculous thing. And so incidentally is massive amounts of storage - I'm getting quite a bit of mileage out of the 80 gig drive I got for the computer here. Must remember to make copy of Valmont for Sulin. Flight wasn't horrible, if a bit sick making. Had no trouble at immigration this time, seems as if they might have lightened up on entry by Singaporeans. Maybe not. They did seem to be breezing through people though. Didn't watch a single feature on the plane, which I suppose I've not done for a while. Got some sleep and read FHM and the Economist.

Setting up my network again was much less hassle than I thought it would be, hope the router doesn't flake on me again. Considering reinstalling a firewall on my notebook, probably Sygate. Migrated to Outlook, which is a bit bumpy, but overall not too annoying, if you don't consider having to rebuild my address book a setback. At least the yahoo filtered spam can be redirected more easily. Feeling quite tired. Should do my laundry tomorrow.

Gaby the giraffe is rather cute, but not quite in the way I remembered her from the shop window.
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Posted by subtitles at 05:57 AM

February 04, 2003

Turns out that I didn't

Turns out that I didn't actually waste money on my flight by ordering from BMI. Hope it goes okay, wonder if I'll have to go to ticketing before checking in. The ticket from BMI was just 249 while NYS was doing it for a about 290, though they probably could have offered me another flight for less. It's just that SIA is also Star Alliance which is nice. Along with United.

I got a 70 for my 1900-1950's. Woo fucking hoo. As I've heard Jared having said, a first is a first. Just wondering which of the other people in that group got the other 3 (significantly higher) firsts. Angela I think I can understand, but off the top of my head I can't really remember who else would have done well from that seminar. Probably no one particularly good looking. Well there was the stoner dude and that guy who used to smoke with me that I can remember. The latter probably did well. But yeah no one quite the level of radiating sex as Canadian girl (as I discovered today) in Fiction and Narrative. It must be the whole thing with the sort of tousled hair and sort of blank look.

Was just telling Johnny how well we've been trained by now not to waffle in seminar. Richard is an effective guy at whipping people into shape. I must say I was suitably impressed by the clarity and brevity of what people were talking about today. But it was generally a more congenial seminar anyway since talking about media isn't really our "thing". "Where is my mind?" Love the whole thing about Fight Club, and talking about my Star Wars novel with a soundtrack, pity I didn't bring up things like computer games. Was just generally in a good mood anyway after getting my results. And Richard seemed in a good mood as well. I suppose if I was being charitable about him and that woman, she must be the object of nostalgia all that faffy nonsense she goes on about - she's not really been picked on by him, and hence still seems to go on a bit. Smack my bitch up, that's what I say.

Quite proud of having done so much stuff today, even got my NUS card. Bought a nice copy of the Economist for light reading on the plane :). Been having delusions of e-mailing Judith Woolf, but think I've calmed down since. Edel's not handed in her essay yet, but I suppose she's not as annoying in sending Mary e-mails as I am wont to be. Feel bad about telling her about it. Resolve to e-mail Cari. Looking forward to Buffyradio tomorrow when I get to Chicago. Hope the set up of the LAN and the router doesn't cause problems. Got to start moving all my porn off the computer there to download Firefly, hopefully some Enterprise as well. Remember to bring back CDR's (should ask Michel if he wants some), Michelle Branch CD, Vanessa Carlton, various CD's, DVD's etc. Wonder if I should bother bringing stuff over from here. Probably not, will most likely just stuff dirty laundry to pad my books and papers. All this is sort of pointless anyway since I hardly read over my blog entries anyway. I'd hate to have to edit all of this stuff.
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Posted by subtitles at 12:11 AM

February 03, 2003

So not only have I

So not only have I been a bit of a raw nerve the past couple of days, today, going out to get my seminar readings was a particularly Lost Highway moment. Night-time with sort of humming burnished skies, peculiar; and having to walk through all that mud in more or less sleeping attire with a coat; turning back and going round. There are still times when wandering round Spring Lane is still some freaky/spooky shit.

Not yet sleeping, didn't tell my parents I was flying off, wonder if my overdraft will be okay. Sort of worried about my result coming out tomorrow, won't really feel the anxiety again till later I think. Have to make a list of what to do tomorrow. Check for rest of readings. Return Bordwell. Get NUS card and bring proof of student status. Buy/collect tickets. Do laundry. Photocopy Kureishi article. Pack Sight and Sound and Lost Prince.
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Posted by subtitles at 05:30 AM

Been very involved in my

Been very involved in my campaign to save SDI in Opera, hence the lack of updates for all of a day... I've started a blog for it, which you can find here. Quite exciting that I got mentioned by the Inquirer, even though they slanted the story to the extent of getting it wrong, but they sort of fixed it, and it's pushing a bunch of traffic to my thread on the forums. The link to the Inq can be found in my other blog, as can the links to the forums and my petition.

A bit disappointed that none of the other news sites has picked up the story. Pity really, but at least the Inquirer was quite a coup.

The change of reading by Richard was quite good, even though it deals much more with the text than with film/media. Very incisive on Kafka, ripe for me to rip apart. Really starting to see similarities with the Trial and Passing. Norse essay is in a state of being optimistic, though I'll have to wait till I'm in Chicago to really work on it more.

Thinking of food.
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Posted by subtitles at 12:42 AM

February 01, 2003

I suppose I'm still reeling

I suppose I'm still reeling a bit from the whole CNET radio closure thing. I think what one of the analysts said was true, that another voice in the industry has been silenced. I suppose it makes me reconsider what I suppose can be rather puerile ideals of economic efficiency in people losing jobs, especially when it happens to people you know and it affects you. Even if they're many miles away and people over the radio. I had just been reacting the day before to David Coursey saying that all the outsourcing to foreign countries of technology jobs was something that could be contained by tariffs. I suppose unlike myself, he reacted both out of a recognition of what was happening to himself, what was happening to his colleagues, and what was happening to his industry and the friends he has in that industry. Who can say to someone like that, and other people in that position, as they did in Shooting the Past, that they no longer make economic sense? And yet even Poliakoff seemed to recognise the inevitability of it, that the desperation and the search for redemptive action and behaviour has a certain primacy and is in a sense so fundamental to that experience of change. Again another document of the moment of flux, of change, of the movement from one frame of perception to another.
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Posted by subtitles at 05:47 PM

I wonder whether Woody Allen

I wonder whether Woody Allen really meant it when his character said that "comedy, is tragedy plus time". A space shuttle just failed to land, it probably scattered all over texas. I don't suppose I have any particular attachment to the shuttle or anything to do with space, but I'm still sentimental, and I just woke up to discover this. An article can be found here. I go to two places when I'm looking for news, Yahoo, and Google.

I really like Crimes and Misdemeanours, which where the quote above came from. Always sort of appreciated his homage to Bergman in everything he did, until I realised what a joke it was. I wonder if the Holy Grail titles are meant to be a joke on that. But yes that quote, even though it's associated with a figure of scorn in the film, has always sort of stuck with me. I'm just thinking of the X-Files episodes that dealt with the Challenger shuttles from earlier on, and how that must have been recieved. George Harrison is still dead.
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Posted by subtitles at 05:30 PM

Someone should invent headphones, and

Someone should invent headphones, and I mean proper headphones - not earbuds, that don't pinch specs into the side of your head. I suppose some that don't require that elasticity to stay in place. But that will have to wait till I have something to eat.
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Posted by subtitles at 12:17 PM

More people in need to

More people in need to being lampooned, poet laureates' my ass. Not to say that the Bush administration is any better, "believes it would be inappropriate to turn a literary event into a political forum" as if it could be anything else... But I suppose here is where I wear my hypocrite hat and say, people who study the "humanities" should know better (at least better than politicians, but that's still me as hypocrite), ''I think there was a general feeling that the current administration is not really a friend of the poetic community and that its program of attacking Iraq is contrary to the humanitarian position that is at the center of the poetic impulse''. Humanitarian position my ass. Whose poetry have you been reading fuck-head? To be honest, with the Bush admin, it's almost par for the course, but for this so called "poet laureate" to assert something like that is just irresponsible. You have your own political views, great, attributing it to the "poetic impulse" is (not to put too fine a point on it) wrong. Listening to Spong talk about his own personal fuck-head in his seminar group makes me all the less kindly to that kind of faffy-ness. Thank god for Cari. Not that I think she'd particularly agree with me, but at least I know she's not talking out her ass.

Whinging is hungry making work. But then so are so-called "self-conscious" detractions. Party to my own object of scorn. Blah.

Don't think I quite appreciate as much as I should the subtlety of that season premiere of the Soprano's that dealt with the Twin Towers is such an oblique manner, very much in the manner of collecting responses in the lives that are in so many ways untouched by what happened. Addressing a political event head on in a literary work I suppose is fine (see bottom of article), whatever, but then what differentiates it from the limp polemicism of a political diatribe: which is what these inevitably end up being - if only because their aesthetic becomes contaminated by the directness of their representation.

And those idiots on the West Wing, basically caving in after what happened, saying "we're just actors - we know nothing of politics". Entirely contrary to their artistic (or at least Aaron Sorkin's) agenda up to that point. If you're caving in because you believe your own rhetoric about force and the protection of you citizenry by force, say so, don't dress it up in being coy about your own impulses, however unpopular they are in your milieu.

Like I said, fuck-heads. Bunch of related articles can be found here.
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Posted by subtitles at 12:03 PM

I'm just finding writing now

I'm just finding writing now very much comforting, so you'll forgive me for keeping going for at least a bit more. I think I've really sold REM short on New Adventures in Hi-Fi, though it might just be me being sentimental at the moment. How the West Was Won is actually a remarkable almost-transfiguration of the ur-song of Monster. Keyboard riff is fantastic - if I was a shitty music journalist, I'd say it's hypnotic. But I suppose really it's the continual dialogue between the guitar and keyboard that makes the counterpoint so poignant. Of course by now it's Wake-Up Bomb, so mood's shifted slightly, even by the end of that sentence. So what, the putting down of words itself is subject to the variations of the moment? I suppose I'm just sick of analysing other people's writing, wish I could just read my own and revel in it. But how to put meaning and purpose into each syllable? Other than the purpose and meaning that is constitutive of Me.

I just revel as well in the timbre of Michael Stipe's voice, plaintive and open, raw and almost out of control. It's like the bang and blame video, you almost feel he's flubbing the line, when it's still so clearly sung.

Fuck, Li Peng just came up to tell me to turn it down. Suppose Spong's sub really isn't the best thing for the middle of saturday morning. I always wondered if he was annoyed by the noise. Well there's no longer a radio show to play in the middle of the night. And right now the definition of the bass and the sharpness of the treble in my earphones is incredibly pleasant. One thing I'm rather ambivalent towards is all this "commentary" in music about "society" the particular leper of which seems to be talk-show hosts ala-Springer. That whole Barry Williams show thing by Peter Gabriel has put me off him forever. Pettish and not particularly insightful - full of righteous angst and affectation. Pretty much as bad as the Alanis Morissette school of lyric writing. Music is actually great, but decides that lyrics need not have any transcendant relationship to that music. And it's not even that you can't write bad lyrics, it's just if you do, don't foreground it so much in the song.

And Spike Lee going off on one at BET. What's that about? It's not that I disagree, and I think he's quite right as an influential figure to critique his own community (unlike Bill Cosby on the Osbournes, which is just annoyingly unperceptive); it's just that Spike Lee looks so smug and the sentiment of him doing it just strikes me as being so proprietary and parochial.
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Posted by subtitles at 11:39 AM

Must say the scrolling in

Must say the scrolling in Opera 7 final can be as smooth as shit from a duck's ass.

One of the last tracks of Star is playing now, Untogether. I can't say why, maybe it's because it's a love song, of the rarity that occurs in alt-rock, but right now it's so incredibly moving. And over. In fact a large part of the end of this album in fantastic in that light. Lots of people write about honesty and how personal songs can be, but some of Tanya Donelly's stuff is really just open without being un-genuine.

Still think that fucker from last night is, well, a fucker. God damn those people were sad-deserving to be shot.
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Posted by subtitles at 11:10 AM

Oh yeah, I suppose I

Oh yeah, I suppose I should mention that CNET radio's gone belly up, which is rather upsetting. I suppose they were right not to drag out the fact that they knew it was all ending, but it was quite a shock, there suddenly being a "final" Anchordesk on the Air. David Coursey's rather readable columns can be found at Anchordesk. It's not even that he's that good, other than being, as I said, readable, he was just very personable on the radio and handled the format well, which has more to do with it I think. It was never that you got that much hard news or biting commentary from his show, it was more like a leisurely cogitation on things that were happening, really part of the process of digesting information, having people react to it. And it was a good thing to listen to as you were falling asleep to. Which for me does not necessarily mean anything bad at all. Used to listen to all my new albums, especially the ones I liked, by falling asleep to them. Particularly so with Mariah, with the first and second albums, keeping Tony awake.

I don't know why I can't seem to write more than a paragraph without moving on to another topic. As it is I tend to just change tack in the middle of the paragraph, I wonder whether I'm leaving something out, or whether that's all I really want to say, that saying too much just isn't quite right. I suppose there's something of Borges' pith that strikes me as very ripe for emulation. I say it's really so telling that I still think quite well of Judith Woolf despite her being rather stand-offish. I'm really doomed to admire people who treat me like shit. Motherfuckers.
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Posted by subtitles at 10:52 AM

Bizarre night last night. Had

Bizarre night last night. Had the Chinese New Year dinner thing with Edel and posse. It was okay, nothing special. Fish was nice. Came back, played bridge with Spong, Edel and Clarissa. After which the weirdness sets in.

I'm being judgemental but you know, hello, it's me. Went over to one of the Hickleton houses where it was a bunch of Malaysians and Chinese nationals. Hoping to play tai ti, since Lisa was there. They broke into groups and had a snowball fight. They attempted to organise themselves into groups beforehand. Okay fine, for a lot of them it was their first time seeing snow etc. but the quality of their playing was just quite different from the people in my house. I suppose I'm just being grouchy and sour in my old age. Getting pelted with snow and being wet and cold is not quite as fun as a nice round of bridge. I should get green fur and a trashcan. Worm for a friend. I suppose all that was okay, but after that they decided to have more organised fun. I really can't help but think of them as being... I suppose provincial is the best way of putting it. Garg. Won't say it wasn't amusing, but well.

On a more significant note, listening to Belly now, which is always good. It's a pity they broke up. I suppose I should try listening to a Tanya Donelly album, just afraid it'll be too slow and draggy I suppose, without the rest of the band. I actually like King, probably grown on me better than Star has aged. Suppose it's about time I bought Pixies albums. Going to watch the Mary Luckhurst comedy revue thing, sounds like fun.

Almost forgot to mention, I suppose what really annoyed me (which I admit was still an amused kind of annoyance) was the fuck-head who was organising the whole thing - he seemed nice and all, think his name was Matthew. He seemed to look askance at my rather reasonable and I would think pleasant enough demurring to join them in the snow. He also made rather throw-away comments about Singaporeans in general. Apparently he studied in S'pore in secondary school. Can't say I could tell. I suppose the best vengeance I could wreak upon him would be the fact that when I was in his room to put my coat and fuck around while they were in the snow, I couldn't help but notice the rather earnest and militant sounding christian rock being belted out from his CD player. Fuck-head. And he had a Matrix screen-saver. Smiting him would just be too kind.
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Posted by subtitles at 10:46 AM

January 31, 2003

Well my eyes didn't pop

Well my eyes didn't pop out, but I played bridge, and didn't write my essay. I'm feeling sort of better today, but wish I hadn't had that beer last night. I think it's a sure sign that it's about time to stop this habit.

Just did one of my monster washing up throes. Wish there was more to do online. Anyone got any suggestions about where to visit? Can't decide whether I should just take it easy for another day. I just feel as if I'm on the threshold of being remarkably creative, but I'm just not quite there yet. Wondering if Richard Walsh will take it amiss if I shut up during seminar. The rest hardly say jack anyway. Motherfuckers.

Terry, as always, was rather gratifying to talk to last night if only for a while. Not as boring as he could be :). Spong was supposed to be coming last night, but due to the excess of snow, he wasn't supposed to get here till 8 in the morning, spending the entire time in train stations. Poor guy. Probably sleeping it off now. Will be having dinner with him and the bunch of people at Maxi's later, a kind of reunion dinner for those not invited to Manchester by Lewis.

Supergrass rock. Make me feel like growing sideburns. Freaky huh? (Oh, Karen, if you're reading this and want the later albums, and can provide me somewhere to upload them...)

Well if anything makes me feel better, at least my Vanessa fixation isn't so pronouced as previous ones have been, which makes me feel better. All this obviously after being so bizarrely chatty during last term's Leeds trip. Less said the better. She and Emen look interesting together, and Dion would do quite well to get together with her. Again this is probably just me projecting. Yeah, Emen's so not going to read this. Neither Spong nor Edel for that matter. Actually no one who actually lives with me and has the danger of being continually reported/commented on. And I've not really been elbowing my way to talk to American girl with funny name in seminar...

Love the supergrass drummer. Magic.
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Posted by subtitles at 03:44 PM

Still feeling depressed, have just

Still feeling depressed, have just been watching this rather good sitcom called "Grounded for Life". I don't think I quite appreciate watching TV and other media as much as I do when I'm unhappy.

Just on a side note, I think I'll be switching the way the blog is organised, so that the latest blog will be the top most, if not when I post past midnight things get a bit screwy.

Sort of feel better about myself about having started the SDI campaign, makes me feel useful. I think I quite like the idea of doing regular writing of some form, even though journalism hasn't always been my favorite thing.

Those crazy fuckers are outside making a shnowman now. Vanessa's with them. Vanessa's rather attractive. And she's never going to read this. Muahaha. She's this Hong Kong woman who's doing psychology or something, who has a rather pleasant international school sounding accent. I really must say my time in York has been an exercise in loneliness, the product of which has been relentless slews of crushes on the women around me. I don't want to make to direct a connection but I think at least something to do with it is that I've never really had a good female friend growing up, and the first female "friend" I've had has been Hiaw Khim. Using a romantic relationship as a template for having female friends is not something anyone would be comfortable with. I keep thinking women must get really freaky vibes from me. Again thankfully not many people read this. I really wish I didn't react in this way, because I really do like hanging out with women, it just makes me act like an idiot.

I really feel like playing bridge till my eyes pop out.
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Posted by subtitles at 12:49 AM

January 30, 2003

Fuck me, it's really snowing

Fuck me, it's really snowing outside. Shnowman :D. I didn't even realise till I went downstairs just now, since I can't see out my window in my room. Guess I'm not going to be going tomorrow to do jack then. Watching "Secret of My Sucess", which I like, but wish it wasn't what I was doing right now, or at least that my essay was done.
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Posted by subtitles at 08:42 PM

I'm really sick of doing

I'm really sick of doing my essay. Want to just chuck it in and not bother. Just feeling demoralised about all this, feel like resigning myself to being a failed academic.

Chatted to Karen last night, which was sort of nice. I think I feel a bit awkward about the fact that I didn't actually know her that well when she was in York, so find being pally a bit strange. Find myself being friendly in a way that probably just isn't the right register with which to talk to her. Can't say she hasn't been responsive though, either she's one of those people who's just prompt about replying to mails, or she's in one of those moods that I can get into when I'm trying to be friendly. I'm definitely not in one of those moods now, which is sort of why it's nice to have someone try to be friendly.

I'm just in one of those moods I get into I think when I start writing, when I eat alot (Karen, I really wasn't kidding, think whale) mong in front of the TV alot, do idle things like campaign for SDI in Opera. I suppose I should take it as a good sign, that I'm really in writing mode, but somehow my vision just becomes very much blinkered, I really can't remember what it was like the last time I wrote an essay, whether I actually felt this way. It feels familiar, but the familiarity is not tied to memory in any concrete way. Not that memory is concrete. I've been watching Lost Highway again, "I want to remember things my own way, not necessarily the way they happened". Just the thought of sitting in front of a Word document, especially one with so much scribble on it is just not my idea of fun. I can't bring myself to do it. I'll just have to wait and see. Writing about this is meant to make me feel better.

Starting to realise I'm not too keen to have too many people read all of this. There are a couple of people now who at least come over and have a look once in a while, which I really appreciate; but a bunch of people I know? no, don't think I'd want that. Somehow I'd love to hear what strangers would think about all this, but that's not very likely now is it?

This feeling really is so familiar, suddenly feeling very estranged and lacking in interest in books in general. For whatever reason I get drawn to watching TV and movies alot more. I probably do that because I feel so much more passive in watching them, and a large part is probably because I'm not being compelled to write on them, even though I suppose I'd want to.

I've decided that my louiskhorweiwu address at hotmail will no longer be active, I'll be using it purely as a .Net passport for messenger. Will have to find some way to tell the world about this. No one's sent me mail on that account for ages anyway, so...

I'll probably be doing the same for my yahoo account in the future, switching to operamail with the same username. Weltenschauung will become my public/commercial e-mail address. The operamail address will become purely a personal e-mail address.

Starting to think I should just go to Chicago anyway, in the hopes that it will make me feel better, and just to get out of my room. I can't really remember a time when staying still to work really did me that much good. Not that moving does wonders necessarily. There's not even anything worth watching on TV now.
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Posted by subtitles at 08:20 PM

Don't really feel like doing

Don't really feel like doing writing for my essay, and don't feel like reading so I shall blog. I like to think of this as a kind of disgesting of information, because I've sort of made a kind of breakthrough in my essay, and want to let it work around in my unconscious for awhile.

I'm also listening to CNET radio as well, which is my version of jogging, since it keeps me from thinking too much.

Still wondering whether or not I'll be flying to Chicago. I've actually scribbled about 13 pages of stuff for my essay, but just wonder how much I will be able to use while reshaping my arguments. Might go well. If I do fly over, I'll be bound to do a precies for Matt for him to comment on. I'll probably have to ask him whether I could bounce ideas off him during easter for Aeneas to Arthur, since I'll probably want to work on Kafka during reading week, while editing my Norse essay.

Feeling guilty about not replying to Karen so might go and do that now. Yeah well, not the most fantastic mail, but at least I replied :).

Was actually really looking forward to BuffyRadio this week, but they had "technical difficulties" so there was no show despite a rather annoying teaser.

Realise I've been a bit harsh on Opera, but really, their idea of a gold release really lacks quite a bit of polish. Fair enough to get it out the door, and reviewers are nice enough not to be bitchy about an underdog (or they just don't know) and I suspect most don't know/care about the user complaints about the new browser. Am thinking of starting a website/blogsite, something like "saveoperasdi" or something like that. Maybe it'd convince Opera to get their act together. Must admit though, in the final the speed it quite noticeably better, both with page loads and scrolling.

Oh, had lovely kebab just now, which I still have to pay Delwyn for, and we ordered ice-cream, Haagen Daz Belgian Chocolate which really hit the spot. Seriously thinking about just having a beer and going to sleep so I can be in the mood to work tomorrow. Will probably procrastinate getting my NUS card/tickets done.
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Posted by subtitles at 01:52 AM

January 29, 2003

In order to be disappointing

In order to be disappointing as well as to distract myself, I will not talk about my Norse essay that weighs so heavily on my mind. Instead I will talk about the release of Opera 7.

But before that I'm struck by the need to talk about this american girl in my Fiction and Narrative class. I suppose my initial reaction to her was, "oh my she's hot". Subsequently of course as some will know this was replaced by a certain level at which I tolerated her for being flaky in class - not talking about the subject at hand, jumping from point to point for no reason, waffling on about something she knows very little about - basically being really annoying. I say tolerate, but what I actually do is go around bad mouthing her to all and sundry, "blah blah, she's so annoying, blah blah she deserves to be shot, blah blah, I want to slap her silly". I think I've come to realise that I was doing what I do so often (which I assume to be really such a MALE reaction) was dissociating my rather obvious attraction to her. I don't think as a nett effect her actually being annoying has managed to counteract that attraction. It's gotten to the extent where I wasn't just thinking of her as annoying and actually rather fancying her but in my mind accusing Richard Walsh of being rather attracted to her. I suppose I'm not at all surprised (least of all at the fact that this is me) but it really is rather bizarre. I must say though that in the end it really is true that once you get to know someone personally (and not just publically as she speaks during seminar) that things really change. It was when we were having coffee with Richard Walsh during the break that she asked about getting contemporary plays (directed at Richard of course) that I just thought to myself - "yeah, whatever". Whether this is just another strategy of mine that will succeed in amusing me further we'll just have to see.

Honestly (as far as I'm not again decieving myself in that rather startlingly unconscious way) I'm more inclined to be friendly with Johnny, who I knew in my first term, when he was in Ulrika's seminar group. I don't know why, but I've always thought of him as being rather more friendly than the rest of them, most likely because he is. That said, my presentation group is also remarkably nice, with Matthew being quite a bit more open despite an earlier retiscence, and Hepsie just being nice and soft spoken, sort of a sweeter (ie less sharp) version of Tara (who was in my American Lit course). I told Tara the joke from Rules of Attraction about subtitles before seminar one day, which I'm not quite sure she quite appreciated, but she's quite nice anyway.

Okay, back to Opera 7. I'm disappointed. I participated in their rather drawn out beta process, expecting it to be an enjoyable one, having access to new functionality, which would make up for the bugginess of the betas. It now looks like I'll have to endure it with the "final" release as well. The most annoying bug isn't fixed, where the clicking on folders from the personal bar leads to a drag and drop effect. Annoying. And they've made the horrible decision of getting rid of the functionality in Opera 6 of allowing "SDI", which, with the implementation of the page bar, meant that you had the best of both worlds, the ability to use tabs, but still being able to seperate them into various windows. I was hoping they'd change this after beta 2 but they haven't, pissing me off. If you have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about, you can find more info at the Opera website. That said, the browser itself is quite nice, and is just more usable/responsive than mozilla derivatives. I suspect that having too many bookmarks, or simply just having an imported bookmark file causes problems with opening new windows, but I can't be sure. I am going to resist the urge to download Phoenix again, because that will just disappoint me further. (is smooth scrolling really too much to ask for?)
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Posted by subtitles at 08:54 PM

January 26, 2003

Been in a flurry of

Been in a flurry of activity in the past couple of hours, as I've been developing my argument for my Norse essay. It's going well, and I think the essay will now be much less about defiance than about representation, the means and processes by which meaning is imposed - basically an examination of Norse poetics in terms of "the age of sagas" as a moment of flux, of a change-over of perspectives from conceptions of honour to the coheasion of society.

Before that was the less intense by incredibly gratifying visit to Leeds, buying food and more importantly meeting Sulin. We had a nice lunch and an okay conversation. Managed then to go to Sulin's halls (despite lugging around 20 kg of rice + sauces etc.) and "bridge" ourselves silly. Feel really bad for Sulin about the size of her room and the crampedness of her conditions, I'm sure she's reconciled herself to it and seems to be reasonably resigned to her position. But Sulin is incredibly sweet and fun and lovely to be with, and had a fantastic time playing bridge with the group that was there (Delwyn and Dion). I think I'll always miss living in B block with Sulin and Peishan and that bunch; the fact that it's gone forever as a place in time makes the loss all the more poignant. Will always regret not being better friends with Sulin. Saw William. William is such an incredibly handsome turtle.

I wish I had the time/inclination to completely and fully represent what happened during the Supergrass concert because I had a fantastic time, and think the band is music of a calibre that is incredibly effective and dramatic. I don't think I've quite understood about aura and presence as much as when I was there (because of course the presence, the aura is past, irretrievable), even if I've encountered it before. I suppose I was looking to Gaz most of the time if only because his voice is so incredible (at the moment it ranks with a poignancy on par with Jeff Buckley), but it must really have been the presence of the bassist and the drummer that bowled me over. The bassist just strikes me so much as a spiritual center when he sang the songs I assume he wrote and by the sheer ordinariness (seperate from the almost televised presence of Gaz) of his appearance and demeanour. The musicality of the group I can only imagine in relation to the tightness with which the drummer held them together and the fullness of his rhythmic ingenuity. Because of course despite how moving they can be Supergrass has always been a band concerned with the aesthetics of movement and the fundamental experience of rhythm - something so central to rock and roll, what Elvis Costello refers to as its origination in beat music. The primacy of this perspective on their work is nowhere clearer in the pleasure obtained from Gaz doing his turn as Elvis, "I'm a rock and roll singer in a rock and roll band". Whereas I always suspect Paul McCartney's melodicism in bass playing was an expression of his internal insincerities (however false that presentation is in describing fabulous muscianship), the rhythm section there infuses Supergrass' work with a kind of fullness of expression, a depth and preternatural affinity in feeling - something that transcends moments when Gaz is alone with the guitar, something that moves them beyond themselves with their instruments and is transmutated into the music itself.
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Posted by subtitles at 03:12 AM

January 24, 2003

I've at least started thinking

I've at least started thinking about my Norse essay again, and reading the ghost passage from Njal's Saga just reminds me of how important the theme of defiance has be. Yes, both Gunnar's are defiant as such, but what is the essential difference between them? One is elaborating a textually ambivalent challenge to the operation of the law, while the other directs that defiance against an adversarial other who represents the antithesis of order. And yet both maintain the centrality of what is right - correct personal conduct which in many was is made seperate from the aegis of the law. That would be how one text illuminates the other, that while Atlakvida presents the defiance of disorderly and anarchic forces, Njal's Saga shows that defiance to be independant of notions of law or prescriptive order. Atlakvida is the raw presentation of the extreme ideal, whereas Njals Saga puts that ideal in a broader socialogical context.
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Posted by subtitles at 07:17 PM

January 23, 2003

Why is being desperately unhappy

Why is being desperately unhappy like this? I'm staring at the stuff in my room (specifically littered all over my floor), and despite jokes to the contrary, not seeing floor isn't a great thing. You (my disembodied Reader) can perhaps disregard my desperation for a moment, for in the time between this sentence and the next will not be the time between thought and typing, but rather the time between desperation and action. Floor.

Have to thank Zhi Xian for her lovely rug, it's quite fantastic being able to just take it outside and fling junk off it and turn it around so the cleaner side is up.

I wonder about Weichean's possession (take that A.S. Byatt) of the Avril Lavigne album which I listened to while tidying (yes not cleaning, Claire) my room. Sounds like angry chick music to me. Wei Chean is interesting that way.

Some time has passed, and I've been calling back and forth between Wayahead and the Barbican Box office for fucking up my Supergrass tickets.


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Posted by subtitles at 06:09 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Another thing about this blog

Another thing about this blog is the fact that it doesn't really follow my "days", since I slept last night at about 4am and just woke up at about 1pm. Buggy.

When I wake up basically I just get up and check my e-mail, go to my news sites. Apparently news is the new porn. Well actually I woke up to watching Cheers, which is pleasant enough. I started watching Cheers only really from last year when I got the TV, and was inexplicably free in the afternoons. It's strangely appealing as afternoon TV. They're showing I think earlier seasons, when the blonde woman and the coach are still around; things you learn from watching E! true hollywood stories. I had a dream about the Supergrass concert, the highlight of which was the fact we forgot to pick Clarissa up, so she had to pay for another ticket to get in. Had just been telling Terry yesterday that I don't really have vivid dreams anymore, but I suppose I'm just quite awful at remembering them since they don't tend to recur that much. I remember a reference to Antwone Fisher, which I know is a movie, but I can't even remember what it's about, much less why I'm having a dream about it. The only things I did tell Terry about were the fact that I tend to have these dreams when I'm not sleeping well, esp when I sleep lazy naps in the afternoons.

The most vivid of dreams I used to have occured when I was still getting really high fevers, probably till around late primary school, when I'd have dreams of fantastic medieval battles in extreme slow motion, with adversarial lances whose ends seemed to regress into swirling infinity. I also remember a period when I used to throw up alot, within a short period of time, which no one seems to remember about nowadays - this is particularly strange as I don't really remember seeing a doctor about it, I remember it happening for quite a while (longer when I was younger) and my family being rather nonchalant. I wonder if they even knew. And I wonder now because of all these things at those events taking on a dream-like quality. That wasn't an affliction with nearly the physical nagging dreariness of chicken pox and its emphasis on the pestilential nature of the body, the infectiousness of it.

Must soon write about my memories regarding watching films during NS.
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Posted by subtitles at 01:49 PM

Don't know how happy I

Don't know how happy I am about the fact that (now that I've figured it out) the entries will be chronological, but only within the day, so people who jump in in the middle will read the latest day, not from the beginning. I suppose I might shop around, but then I'd have to move stuff, which would suck.

It's one of those times again, when it's late, I should try to go to sleep, but I'm just not in the mood to sleep. Listening to CNET radio, specifically David Coursey's Anchordesk show, which is really quite an entertaining (to me) radio show about technology. It's basically just nice to have some kind of media playing in the background. At least I can listen while I browse or type. Can't really use it in Opera without jumping through some hoops, but with Optool, I can switch back and forth quite seamlessly. It's the same thing with BuffyRadio, which is really quite entertaining as an hour-long radio show that comments on the world of Buffy. The presenters are pretty fun people, particularly the enthusiastic female Buffy fan "Estro-Jen".

In general, online content can actually quite engaging, I'm just remembering the recent Macworld Keynote by Steve Jobs being a rather exciting event, when people talk about that guy's "reality distortion field" I know exactly what they mean.

Starting to drop off, and being quite distracted by David Coursey, but the show's just ended, so I wonder if I'll be in the mood to write more.

Oh I suppose I should mention that last night it struck me watching "Breakfast Club" again (which I do periodically) that it's the originator, I pretty certain, of a number of references from Matt Groening cartoons. These seem to be centered around Judd Nelson's character, who tells off the detention teacher with the classic Bart phrase "eat my shorts", and who that teacher repeatedly referes to as Bender. Freaky huh? Teen movies are a particular obsession of mine, particularly from the 80's but including a number from the late 90's as well. John Hughes would be the locus for quite a bit of these obviously, though I probably would point to Fast Times At Ridgemont High as being top of the pile. Molly Ringwald has a particular charisma though, not to mention Ally Sheedy. Favorite performer (in this context at least) would have to be Andrew McCarthy. Probably all began back in Holland when I'd watch whatever was on late into the night when I wasn't going to school, and just remember being very moved by the sentiments of these rather earnest dramas. It's a bad word, but there's a certain charm about them that never quite escapes me.

I must say though, that having a real auteur handle sentimental material puts it in a whole different league, thinking about Lynch's "The Straight Story". Who'd ever have thought he'd direct something for disney? Handled with a particular irony and humour that never detracted from the emotional effect of the story. I suppose it's the same with Poliakoff. Have to agree with Hiaw Khim's lecturer, that that portion of Shooting the Past is probably in 20 minutes, magnitudes more effective a presentation of the holocaust then the entirety of Schindler's List. And the way this guy handles stories is just beyond belief.
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Posted by subtitles at 04:00 AM

It's gotten to the point

It's gotten to the point where I don't actually remember everything I thought I could put into my blog anymore, which I think is probably the natural thing. Highlight of the evening was probably talking to Terry, one of the English housemates I have. Spent about 2 hours talking to him about computers, software, exciting things like that. It's like talking to Michel, which is something that could be nice to pass the time with every now and then. Wonder if Michel's got his lovely new powerbook yet. Edel actually popped her head in to my room (which doesn't happen often) earlier, to ask about what we'd be doing over Chinese New Year since the bunch of them are going over to Lewis' place in Manchester. Apparently Yeen Nie's decided that the CNY Singsoc thing might not happen. After talking to Terry promptly went to Delwyn's room to convince Dion to play cards, which wasn't going to happen, and joined Delwyn for what has been the daily imbibing of Grolsh the past couple of days. Must say I feel better after it, and it really is the case that if I didn't drink just a bit, I'd probably start smoking again. Hiaw Khim's telling me about her nice Madeira cake right now. Lovely.

Just remembered about Sulin last year, when I sat in the kitchen and watched her bake a cake on my birthday thinking to myself, "oh sulin like to bake cakes, lets sit and keep her company", totally oblivious to it being my birthday. Sulin's nice. Will probably be seeing her over the weekend, cuz the guys want to go and register for their driving and things.

Starting to realise how difficult this could be if I decided to be really serious about it being me trying to "write". Will have to see how it goes, don't really know how satisfying it will be just writing things down that have happened. Hope to give a nice glowing review of Supergrass tomorrow. Hope the opening act isn't too rubbish. Still haven't cleared up my room, will have to make that more of a priority tomorrow, now that I'm not feeling so shit, and hopefully go and buy my plane tickets as well. Don't know if I should go and see Hiaw Khim over reading week. Big parts of me are saying yes. I'll probably have to ask for money then. Again, we'll see.
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Posted by subtitles at 01:08 AM

January 22, 2003

This is a bit extreme,

This is a bit extreme, and obviously I'm not going to be so obsessive for long - I've just gone out to Costcutters which is all of 30m from my house in Halifax and bought some food. Those of you reading this who've lived in the UK as students and are used to the kind of food I'm buying should recognise the strange mingling of knowing disgust and hungry delight at these foods. 2 bottles of Sunny Delight (insert witty detraction here), a bag of oven chips, fish fingers, southern chicken breasts (for the oven), and a pork pie. Pork pies are lovely. Mmmmmmmmm. I feel disgusting. It's the mixture of coagulated pig fat with the meat and manufactured pastry thats just so very satisfying.

I've been thinking since I started the blog about what Judith was saying about Borges and memory, that a person who remembered absolutely everything would be unable to write stories. Someone who takes an entire day to tell you about a day is contrary to the artistic spirit of representation, of picking and choosing things of significance and meaning in order to convey an idea. I feel as if I'm creating a big hairy monster that will be out of control, that will have only the gleanings of some oblique meaning and form. Again, isn't the way we view the world novelistic in our selectiveness as to what we want to see and how we want to see it?

I wonder about Tim being in MINDEF, and whether he's miserable there. I oscillate between the times of particular nostalgia for the army and the knowledge of my then-delusion.
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Posted by subtitles at 06:05 PM

Sent invitations to Tim and

Sent invitations to Tim and Cari. If they're here, hi.

Starting to feel a bit uncomfortable addressing people, seems to detract from the me-ness of this. I suppose I could end up putting all me e-mail correspondences here and allowing this to document *everything*. Wonder whether I should stop with my "metablogging".

I suppose I should mention Mariah's new video, which for a while at least you should be able to download from here. SVCD quality, very good quality. Mariah daily's also a premier Mariah fan site. But yes, the video is pretty fun, if only for the extremely charming bits at the end when she's being coy with Cameron. Wasn't too sure about the whole thing with her in the car giving Bianca (her skanky alter-ego) the kiss-off. She's become a bit pointed an barbed (understandably of course) in recent times, especially post-"breakdown". Thought the whole thing with "Clown" and Eminem was just a bit overblown, somehow lacking the kind of control that she's so fabulous for in terms of her music. Clown as a rewrite of Breakdown(from Butterfly) doesn't compare well in terms of lyrics.

Been in a quite REM mood recently, listening to New Adventures in Hi-Fi. Currently listening to Reveal, which I bought but never really listened to. Going for Supergrass at the Barbican on Thursday, starting to feel a bit ambivalent about it, but should be fun regardless with Delwyn (who I'm getting along quite well with recently), Clarissa and Dion. The new Supergrass album is absolutely fantastic, Gaz's voice has a kind maturity and feeling that is quite breathtaking. It was nice having Clarissa and Vanessa over last week, breaks up the group in the house (plus Dion). Feeling guilty about not asking Andrew over. Wondering if I should go and order that promised half-case of wine. Bordeaux of course. It's really such a naff story that I'd not relate it without specific requests (and conditions of not thinking it sad). Subtitles is bit more fun, if only for me.

Makes me think how intrigued I am about reading Delillo's "The Names".

I think strangely that I've been drawn back to reading quite a bit in the recent weeks, despite my academic setbacks. Waiting with trepidation for me 1900-1950s results to come out on 3 Feb. The 68 for my Delillo essay was really puncturing my ego for quite a while till Judith Geoff decided to do a better job of it. Should write a bit about being "marks-conscious" at some point, but will save that for when I don't feel so strongly, and don't feel so fatigued.
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Posted by subtitles at 04:55 PM

Peishan has rather cleverly pointed

Peishan has rather cleverly pointed out the serendipitous nature of my provided e-mail address. Weltenshauung, as I understand it broadly means your personal, ideological conception of the world, which I suppose is quite nauseatingly fitting for a blog such as this. Corrections to this definition are welcome.

Am thinking of mailing Cari about my lovely blog, maybe Tim as well. I must say I was rather gratified (I'd say touched, but I'm trying to move away from that schmalzyness in my discourse) that he added me to his messenger list so promptly after my e-mail to the yahoo group. All these signs made in the air that we don't know how to interpret. Tim is one of those people that hover like a ghost over my past - in a ambivalent way, though obviously with broad strokes of nostalgia. We'll see.
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Posted by subtitles at 03:59 PM

Having unleashed Peishan on my

Having unleashed Peishan on my blog, I'm starting again to think about these things as public record again. Is this to be like Malory's great stories? Simply the record of the public personas? Is it really a case of what you do not want published you burn? Am also starting to wonder about writing these things on the fly, whether I should keep my publishing consistent rather than simply blowing my load now. I suppose the fun in it is the uneditedness of it, that these are thoughts, not considerations as such; but as Richard Walsh seems to argue, isn't the way we write very much like the way we view the world? To be more precise, we already consider some things at length even before be get the oppurtunity to stream our thoughts, so how is this different?

The image of Blackadder's queenie keeps popping into my mind, a by-product of my having watched the Lost Prince yesterday. Miranda Richardson is quite delightful.

Am feeling very much now that this page should not be "entertaining". This is meant to be my record or myself, and a means of making myself happier, as well as some practise with writing, of all places I wouldn't want to be a performing monkey here.

Wonder again about all these short posts, but suppose they'll dry up soon enough.
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Posted by subtitles at 03:37 PM

I've just added my e-mail

I've just added my e-mail address to the left, starting to find out how tiring this (blogging) can be. The e-mail address obviously isn't hyperlinked because I don't want spam harvesters to get hold of my wonderful new address. But yes Weltenschauung is something I got from reading Lukacs, one of the theorists on my Fiction and Narrative course. It's useful because it's a long word and hence I could get hotmail to accept it (ie it's not been used). Subtitles apparently was taken. Shall have to put aside some time to explain these things some time, but then again maybe not. Pardon all the bits of literariness and bolded text, that's me trying to write like Golding, specifically from To the Ends of the Earth. I've just seen Peishan bling at the system tray, should she be the first to read my blog?
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Posted by subtitles at 03:14 PM

I've just changed a few

I've just changed a few settings, probably the most important of which is to show my entries chronologically, as opposed to newest first. Shouldn't narrative be experienced, especially for people new to it, from the beginning? Isn't that the easiest? Perhaps the last thoughts suddenly do become the first that we remember, but I will have an Iron Will in this manner, the past is the past, and yet it is immanent to us, for is it not Origin?
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Posted by subtitles at 02:36 PM

I have returned (cereal in

I have returned (cereal in hand) and decided I should start really by posting something from Ford Madox Ford's The Good Soldier, a kind of recognition of the little "description" that's on the left of this post.

"You may well ask why I write. And yet my reasons are quite many. For it is not unusual in human beings who have witnessed the sack of a city or the falling to pieces of a people to desire to set down what they have witnessed for the benefit of unknown heirs or of generations infinitely remote; or, if you please, just to get the sight out of their heads."

That said, hopefully all this will not be too dreary, as even now I'm sort of feeling better, and would like nothing better than to talk about something mundane and pleasing.

I just munched into a humungous amalgamation of raisin and bran just now. No doubt the stickiness of some of the raisins has led to a bunch of the cereal coagulating. I don't suppose I should have just eaten it out of curiosity but it tasted fine and here's me not keeling over.

I've been thinking about who I should be allowing to read all this, the limiting of which (beyond strangers) should not be a problem since no one will know about this unless I tell them and ask them to come. Top of my contention list is my parents, who I would like to give some insight into my life, but don't know if they'd really appreciate it. The more people I know who I include, I think the more constrained I'd feel in my writing - in an overblown way the imposition of society creating self censorship. Well for the moment when no one will read this, it will remain Autonomous and unfettered; the very transposing of surface thoughts and emotions from me to the page!

I think I'm beginning to understand now the way in which Golding fell into moments of explicit meaning in his travelogue, it seems almost an inevitable product of writing down one's thoughts, that meaning and significance suggest themselves to you.

In an attempt to stave off the onslaught of such trappings of potential pretensiousness (internal or external to the self we wonder?) I will end this entry merely by saying that it's a pity this blogger doesn't function too well with Opera 7, though without pop-ups using IE for just this isn't too bad. I'm not a standards warrior intent on making things even, if I was I'd use that big hairy monster called Mozilla, or it's mewling puking sibling, Phoenix.
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Posted by subtitles at 02:27 PM | TrackBack

I've decided to begin my

I've decided to begin my illustrious career as a diarist, the new (and public) form of which appears to be blogging. This is mostly in reaction to my despondency about my Oral Assessment results that got written in stone yesterday. Woo-fucking-hoo. Your diarist will now be taking a short break to get cereal and then posting more.
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Posted by subtitles at 02:03 PM