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June 13, 2005

even if you tried

Some times I'm not sure what comes over me. It's not like I'm as angry as I used to be, maybe just a couple of weeks ago. But if I'm not angry so much any more, where does all this nonsense come from? Righteous indignation? I can hear Nirvana playing in the background.

Well, whatever the case I find that cutting anger out of the equation doesn't seem to get rid of spite, or unpleasantness, or self-righteousness; much less fear and shame and mortification. I try not to edit things out, since the retention is important, if only to me, as a record of shame and weakness and grovelling crawling back.

Is it really the unresolved? But what to do when you think how things would not be different even if you tried?

Posted by subtitles at June 13, 2005 2:53 PM | Personal